Sometimes I feel so far away…I guess we all do this, all disassociative and floating through existence, separated from the actual here and now. I float, and still I do, everything that must be done.
But more and more of me just floats, ethereal and fragile, like a soap bubble in a gentle breeze. I exist childlike, warmed by this spark that emanates and keeps me flying, I keep away from the chill, the coldness and hardness of concrete that makes me fall and bleed and bruise.
I chose this. I chose, I decided not to let the despair and darkness that has always percolated in and around me, like thick, oily, suffocating quicksand that pulls me under — I consciously rejected that reality.
I don’t want the sharp hard things that rend and flay.
I would rather be suspended, in time, in space, in my head, floating and waiting.
I added a full lap to my timed laps!
Friday, I delivered the bottom bread to the people I work with. Yesterday I had to deliver the meat of the sandwich. Today, someone hates my guts.
I also delivered the top bread.
And I work on. Because the work, it consumes me and my brain.
Tonight is the third time I am doing WFTDA skills tests for the third team I have skated with. That’s what happens when one moves.
I hope this is my home team for a while.
I’ll do anything for that boy.
I couldn’t do the work I do without my secretary and assistants.
When there is an issue that comes up, my first response isn’t “Who $#/&ed up?!?” Instead, I try to figure out if there was a miscommunication, where did the process trip up, how can I communicate better to prevent any breakdowns. I address and fix the problem and work together with my team to forestall any future issues.
I back my people up and consider myself responsible to the powers that be for any problems.
I don’t play the blame game.
I have always strived to be someone my kids could talk to about anything. Given the hilarious and rollicking discussion about hair on the nether regions I had with my boys last night, I felt quite successful in that regard.